Lydia4072
contestada

Help! I don't know what to change in this poem either. Can someone please help me out? It's called An Unseen Friendship.

I don't know if I trust my friend
But I don't really care
For she has never once seen how much I truly truly care
So I'm giving up on our friendship.
I know she doesn't want me there
I can see it in her eyes.
Whenever she laughed at any of my jokes,
I look into her eyes but they are blank
as if there was nothing there.
That's when I knew for sure that she despises me most of all.
Our friendship is unseen
Yes, it is unseen.

Respuesta :

kf1809
Put a comma after the first "truly." And instead of putting the word "eyes" twice, you could try to change the first one to something like "facial expressions.." or "body language" or something like "I can see it when she's with me.." so by that one, you can combine it with the next line.

Hope this helps in some way. It's my first time.
heyhayhey
And care is there twice, so maybe change it to "she's never seen the truth in my loving stare" or some other thing that fits into what is written.